It feels good to Do Good!

An idea has been circulating lately that resonates with me, and maybe it will with you too. 

The idea is this: that perhaps the best and most effective way to dig ourselves out of this pit of despair that we call "living through a pandemic" is to SERVE OTHERS. 

Why does this work? I'm glad you asked.

Helping people makes us feel good.

Also, finding ways to help people gives us something to focus on and takes our minds off of our despair.

I saw a Facebook post a while back about asking loved ones who are elderly or have limited mobility what help they need this holiday season instead of traditional gift giving.

My new running buddy, The Minimal Mom, recommended that instead of overcompensating for a terrible year by overbuying (which leads to more clutter, more financial strain and more STRESS), we should find ways to share experiences rather than exchange gifts. She also noted that she felt much better when she found ways to help out within her community. 

Yesterday I was reading about a technique to deal with anxiety from another mom buddy of mine (to be clear - none of these ladies realize that we are buddies, but that is neither here nor there). She went through an exercise to illustrate that in order to stop the spiralling thoughts associated with anxiety and worry, it is much more effective to find something else to focus on, rather than just trying to stop thinking about whatever is causing the anxiety and worry. 

All of these ideas have been swirling around in my head, and I have been letting them get comfortable, having not entirely decided what this will look like in my life. Do you ever take a super simple idea,  overthink the heck out of it, and then never really do much about it? Me neither.

But then...

A friend of mine posted on Facebook that she was looking for baby gates. I happen to have a set of gates that I no longer need, and have been intending to sell them once I get around to it. They also happen to be very similar to the gates my friend is looking for. I immediately sent her a message, and we set up a time for her to collect them. While I was rooting around in the basement for the instructions, I found a few other baby things that I have been planning to sell or donate, so I gathered them up and sent her pictures. She took it all! 

This was incredibly satisfying for a few reasons. 

First of all, as my efforts at decluttering and organization continue, freeing up even more real estate in the basement is a huge success. 

Secondly, my little baby gear scavenger hunt took my mind completely off the bummer of a day I was having and gave me something useful and uplifting to focus on. 

And finally, it feels SO GOOD to do something nice for someone. When I was pregnant with e, a friend of mine gave me a whole carful of baby gear that she no longer needed, including an expensive stroller and a travel crib, and wouldn't take any money for it. I remember how awesome it felt to be the recipient of her generosity, and how helpful it was to be able to get those items secondhand instead of buying new. The idea that I can now do the same for someone else makes me giddy. I rode that high all day.

So now I'm sharing this with you, in the hopes that you can catch the fever too! (Too soon for a fever joke? I get it.)

It does not have to be complicated. It does not have to be big. You don't need to come up with any grand ideas on your own. The only thing you need is a pair of ears. Even just one ear is fine. It involves simply listening, and being open to responding to the needs of the people you care about. 

Lately I think we're all in a bit of an oblivious daze. There are so many things that we are unsure of right now that we've become a tad self-obsessed. We're trying not to get sick, trying not to make others sick, trying to follow the ever-changing rules, trying to find normalcy, trying to stay updated. Many of us are probably feeling like we're not being the friend or community member we would like to be. 

But it doesn't take much to get back on the right track. In fact, often, just the tiniest effort can make a big difference. 

Are you working from home and have more flexibility than a friend you know who is still going in to work? Maybe offer to pick up a few things for her on your next shopping trip.

Now is a good time to go through winter clothing and donate outgrown items to a coat drive or homeless shelter. 

Do you have a friend who has been looking for Lysol wipes and you happen to spot them while you're shopping? Grab a package and drop them off. (Not for nothing...I am that friend.)

Has a new family moved in on your street? It's a tough time to meet new people. Maybe drop a card in their mailbox to welcome them and introduce yourself.

Ordering more stuff online lately? What about leaving some Hallowe'en candy for the delivery drivers?

Try it! I think you'll like it.

In case you need this today

This is for all of the parents out there doubting themselves today. For all of you who go into each day vowing to do your best, only to end the day picking apart your decisions. For everyone scrolling through everyone else's lives, knowing you shouldn't compare but comparing anyway and falling short.

We are doing okay.

Our kids may fight, we may yell, the TV may stay on indefinitely. 

We may have planned a healthy meal and then ordered takeout. 

The apples may be from the grocery store instead of the orchard.

We're still okay. They're still okay. 

It's okay.

I know I'm not saying anything new, but I'm saying it again right now for every mom and dad who knows it deep down but needs a reminder today. 

It's easy to look at our kids and see faults. Obstinance, messiness, laziness, "bad-itude". It's easy to get caught up in an endless cycle of frustration when NO ONE LISTENS OR COOPERATES OR ACTS RESPECTFULLY FOR LONGER THAN 5 MINUTES AT A TIME!!!

But this morning my 11 year old announced that she was going to look up some math questions to get a jump on what they would be learning next week. And as she walked out the door a few minutes ago, she asked her dad if she could take a science book for the drive and quizzed me on the earliest species of plants. 

My 3 year old gave me the longest, sweetest, most glorious hug this morning. For several minutes, we crouched on the kitchen floor, enjoying the warmth of each other's arms.

Both of my girls are such thoughtful, empathetic souls. They are kind to animals, friendly with strangers and always eager to help someone in need (unless that someone is mom and the need is tidying up). Whatever faults I can find in them are far outweighed by the truly valuable qualities they possess. 

My 3 year old showed me a cow sticker that she and her sister had placed on a kitchen cabinet yesterday. She spoke about the cow so lovingly. She pattered his head gently. She introduced me as though he was a great friend. 

Now I know it's just a sticker. But the pure goodness in a child's heart can be seen in a million ways, not the least of which is the ability to show love without prejudice, and reminds us struggling parents that no matter how many times we slip up, fall down, and generally fall short of our own expectations, we have created these divine beings who will learn things from us that we never even thought to teach, simply by witnessing our efforts to be the best parents we can be. And it will be more than enough.

She named him "Fuckface".

Welcome to the family, Mr. Face.

Parenting in a nutshell

Wednesday...

On the menu: Pasta with bolognese sauce

Kiddo reaction: This is SO good. Why don't we have this more often?!

Thursday...

On the menu: Tuscan sausage and kale soup

Kiddo reaction: This is the best soup I've ever tasted. Can we please eat this every day forever?

Friday...

E/e: Can we PLEASE have lunch now?! We're STARVING!!!

Mom: Sure. You guys can choose from the pasta from the other night or the sausage soup.

e: Um. I'll have sausage.

Mom: The soup?

e: No. Just sausage.

M: I don't have just plain sausage. It's in the soup.

e: Yogurt please.

M: E, which one would you like?

E: I don't have much of an appetite.

2nd Wave Problems

The best thing in the world happened to me today and yes, it has to do with toilet paper.

I have had quite the weekend. It is deserving of its own post and that is forthcoming. However, you need to know what just happened as a direct result of all the things I've been up to.

I'm almost out of toilet paper, you guys. I don't know how it happened. I've been so careful. And still, earlier this week I found myself grabbing the last 6-pack of my Costco pack thinking...hm...time to buy more! So I hopped on to the Costco website and guess what? Yep, SOLD OUT. 2nd wave, indeed. So I added it to my Superstore grocery list and guess what? LOW STOCK. There's a good chance I will get no toilet paper this week. My guess is the supply will only get shorter for the next little while. And we're down to 6 rolls. 

Yikes.

So, I crossed my fingers for my Superstore order and went about my weekend, trying not to obsess over my lapse in judgement. Part of that weekend, in fact a large majority of it, has involved a great declutter and reorganization, resulting in a tsunami of cardboard boxes. I feel like you may know where this is going...

I spent a while today tying up all of the boxes I had broken down over the weekend. And then I got hooked and noticed all kinds of extra boxes lying around the basement, and so I tackled them too. Empty box after empty box...what kind of hoarding nonsense is this?! Until the very last one...at the very bottom of a pile of empty boxes tucked away in the corner. Why, this box wasn't empty! It was decidedly full! What could be in there??

Do you hear that? The angels? Singing a heavenly chorus? 

I hear it. And it is a glorious sound.

The other day E surprised me by telling me that she has come to realize I am often right about things when I give her advice or speculate about how a situation will play out. She wanted to know my thoughts about a dilemma she was having, knowing that we were probably going to disagree but that I would likely have the wisdom of experience to think of things she hadn't considered. 

Wow. I'm still reeling.

And it occurred to me that this may be an opportunity to strike while the iron is hot.

I've been thinking a lot lately about E getting older and all of the new, complicated, risky adventures she'll embark on, while we cling desperately to her coattails, doing our best to guide the ship from a distance, to help spot potholes or pitfalls and maybe prevent little slip-ups from becoming catastrophic. 

There will be many conversations. And, like every parent before me and every one after, I am faced with the challenge of figuring out how to talk to my child in a way that will be meaningful to her and that will encourage her to listen to my words and maybe even heed them. 

Okay boomers. Stop laughing.

Booze is one such conversation. Or rather, series of conversations. I think most of these things are best dealt with regularly, rather than trying to cram it all into one big presentation so that we can check that one off and move on.

What follows is the kind of conversation I wish someone had had with me as a teenager. I think of it as a sort combination of cautionary advice, practical tips and overall wisdom. 

1. Booze is not good for you. Having said that, neither are french fries. Something that isn't good for you doesn't necessarily need to be avoided altogether, and it most certainly doesn't need to be hidden or kept secret or feared. Rather, like with french fries, we should be aware of exactly what effect it has on our bodies, and we should understand how to consume it responsibly. For example, eating french fries or drinking alcohol every day with every meal will probably kill you eventually, but at the very least it will take a serious toll on your health. But eating french fries or drinking alcohol once in a while is probably a reasonable choice that balances enjoyment with taking care of our bodies. 

2. Booze affects your brain. It will mess with your judgement, your reflexes, your balance and your inhibitions. 

Take that into consideration before you drink. Think about where you will be, who you will be with, what you will be doing and how you will get home. Make plans. Tell people you trust your plans. Have an exit strategy. 

Take that into consideration while you're drinking. Be aware. Know your limits and how to enforce them.

3. Pace yourself. There is no rush. The best effects of alcohol happen when you're "tipsy", or just on the fringes of sobriety. That feeling is great, and it makes people think that another drink will feel even better. Trust me: It won't. Try to stick to about a drink an hour. And drink a glass of water after each drink. Yes, you will pee like crazy. Anyone I know would pick that over a hangover.

4. Body weight and tolerance matter. You cannot waltz your novice drinking 110lb frame into a pub and outdrink a 250lb veteran daily drinker. Don't try. It's biology. You could die. 

5. Eat before you drink. Drinking on an empty stomach means the alcohol will be absorbed quickly into your bloodstream and you'll feel it, fast. If you eat first, the food in your stomach will slow your alcohol absorption, so you won't feel the effects nearly as much. 

6. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Most hangover symptoms are the result of dehydration. Headaches, nausea, weakness, dry mouth, fatigue. No fun. Make sure you are well hydrated before you start drinking. Alternate alcoholic drinks with glasses of water. And make sure to drink a BIG glass of water before bed, no matter how much you just want to collapse face first into bed. 

Pro tip: Take a multivitamin and an Advil before bed with your water. 

7. Shots! I get it. Shots can seem like a really good idea. They're small, they're cheap, they're either delicious or at least over quickly, and it's fun to yell "SHOTS!!!" But please, please, pretend they're whole drinks, because they are. A shot is just a whole drink without the filler. Don't slam back five of them and expect to not deeply regret your decision. Pace yourself. It's worth repeating.

8. Alcohol poisoning and alcoholism. Not to freak you out, but I did start out by saying that booze is bad for you. And besides living with the consequences of countless terrible decisions you can make when you have had too much to drink, here are a couple of big things to consider. 

Acute alcohol poisoning happens when you drink more alcohol in one sitting than your body can process, and it can kill you. Normal people out with their friends, drinking too much and not knowing their limits or no longer able to identify their limits, end up hospitalized, comatose or dead. Don't put yourself in that position, and don't let your friends put themselves in that position either.

Alcoholism is a disease that can kill you. Not only that, but withdrawal from alcohol addiction can kill you. So be smart. When you do start drinking, you need to keep yourself in check. If you ever feel that you're exhibiting signs of addiction, get help. Tell people you love and trust. If you have loved ones that you think may be struggling with addiction, offer your support and encourage them to get help.

9. Drinking and driving. Not even one time, not even on back roads, not even a short distance. As a driver or a passenger. There's a long list of dead people I can show you if you need more convincing. 

10. Be responsible. That got heavy for a bit, but that's kind of the point. Alcohol is a big responsibility. It can be used responsibly and safely. It can also be dangerous. 

Remember that you are responsible for yourself and your choices while drinking. The choices you make can have profound effects on both yourself and anyone else you come into contact with. Make safety a priority.

You also have a responsibility as a friend of someone who is drinking. Take care of each other. 

11. CALL ME. I don't care what time it is, I don't care how hammered you are. I don't care where you are or what you did. Call me. I will come and get you. I will drive your friends home. There will be no consequences. End of story.

Now obviously, this isn't a universal template. I'm sure there are endless versions of this conversation, based on what you believe and what you want for your children. But I bet if I throw this out there, I'll get a ton more awesome words of wisdom that I haven't thought of. So lay 'em on me! I'm still in the planning stages for these conversations, and I'll take all the input I can get.

Coincidences

Our kids have unusual names. I'm not talking crazy, alphanumeric word puzzles or anything. They're real names, just uncommon. In the case of our eldest daughter, both her first and middle names fall into that category. So imagine my husband's surprise the other day, when he found himself speaking to a patient with E's middle name. First time in eleven years! Cool.

And imagine his double surprise when, after telling her his daughter's first name, the patient said "That's funny, that's my sister's name!

So, to clarify, my daughter's two unusual names are also the first names of two sisters who live in Wheatley, Ontario, a small town we discovered a few years ago that has become our favourite cottaging spot. 

Huh. What are the chances?

This happened on Friday. On Saturday, we had a guy come to cut down some some trees on our property. His name is Cole, which would have been our son's name when E was born, and it was still our choice when e was born 8 years later. Neat. 

While chatting with him, he noticed our dog. We also have an unusual breed of dog. I swear, other than the dog and the kids' names, we're painfully mainstream. He grew up with the same unusual breed that our girls are growing up with. 

Really?

What a weekend! I don't know about you, but I absolutely love these little moments in life.  They make me feel like we're all connected in a million little ways. I don't know if I believe in kismet, but I sure love the idea of strange forces at work in the universe. I imagine little alien fairy types watching us through a crystal ball from a star somewhere and throwing little things like this at us for kicks.

But what do I know?

Don't mess with this one...

e: The princesses are real in Disneyworld, right?

M: Yes, they're real.

e: They're not dolls, right?

M: No.

e: How big are they?

M: They're a regular adult size. About my size.

e: The real ones?

M: Yes, the real ones in Disneyworld.

e: So...could we fit one...in a trunk??

This is Quarantine: Day...Oh forget it.

It's safe to say we're well past Day 100 with no end in sight, so I'm going to kibosh the counting. Also, I can't be bothered to count ALL THE WAY BACK to my last entry to figure out what day it is.

I've been remiss.

First, let me clear up a few questions you may have:

1. I did not die.

2. I did not sell my children to gypsies passing through town.

4. I am still making sourdough. And it's only getting better.

5. The girls did wrap up the school year successfully and embarked on their summer "break" this week.

On the other hand, here's something that no one anticipated:

I retired!

Yep, you heard me. As of...well, now...I am no longer working outside the home. It's a little anti-climatic, as I haven't been working outside the home since March, but it represents a huge shift for me.

Working as a massage therapist during a pandemic is a daunting prospect. Social distancing is not possible. Direct contact with a whole bunch of people is inevitable. We were officially allowed to begin working again toward the end of May, and that surprised me. I thought, given the nature of our work and the fact that it isn't "essential", that we would be among the last to be given the green light. I knew when I heard that announcement that I wasn't ready. Soon after, I heard from the owner of the clinic where I work, asking about when I was thinking of returning. As soon as I got that phone call, I knew I wasn't going back.

How could I go back to a high contact situation and feel safe returning to my family at the end of the day?

Who would care for my kids while I go to work, with camps closed?

If camps open, do I feel comfortable sending a 3 year old?

What will happen in September, if schools remain closed or, more likely, students attend school in a part-time capacity?

How is it possible that I got a tax refund last year when I wasn't working, and had to pay an exorbitant tax bill this year when I was??!

There are many people just like me out there struggling with these questions. For some, the answers to those questions are irrelevant, as they don't have a choice about whether or not to return to work. I do have the choice, along with a wonderful husband and family, who threw their support behind me wholeheartedly.

And so, at the ripe old age of 43, I am gracefully transitioning into my "retirement years". They will look different from most. Most people don't retire with preschoolers in the house. Most people don't stop working before their oldest child is out of elementary school. It will likely be several years before I start to feel retired. But I'm okay with that. Truthfully, I am excited at the prospect of focusing on being a mom and a wife for a while. I feel like that's what our family needs right now.

And in that spirit, here are the Top 3 benefits of early retirement:

1. Being able to go to the grocery store (whenever I end up doing that again) when everyone else is at work.

2. Being able to fill my days with whatever I want without having to consider my afternoon nap or my colonoscopy appointment.

3. Being able to say that I retired before my father-in-law.

This is Quarantine: Day 94

I guess those bagels were so good they rendered me speechless!

As a result, there is so very much to catch up on.

First things first:

We did manage to get that playset up and running last weekend. It took about 5 hours or so and went so much more smoothly than any of us expected.

And it's a big hit! We're already getting our money's worth.

Whew! I'm exhausted. I guess I'll have to back into this slowly so I don't pull a hamstring.

This is Quarantine: Day 83

Quarantine Mission Accomplished!

I finally got around to the bagels.

We've accomplished a lot, my starter and I. Sandwich bread, boules, cinnamon buns and even english muffins. Rave reviews all around. But all along I've had my eye on the bagels.

A mighty adversary for something that looks so much like a doughnut.

And there's an extra layer of challenge to the undertaking, knowing that you will most certainly not please everyone.

There are the New York bagel champions, who enjoy the thick, bready texture that holds up to a half pound of cream cheese. These are the bagels my kids clamour for.

Then there is the Montreal contingent, who like a bit of fight in their bagel, with a chewiness that makes you work for it. I am a Montrealer at heart.

There are an infinite number of bread vehicles offering a thick, pillowy texture. The bagel, in my opinion, is special because of its divergence from this path. It is sturdy and stubborn, able to shine under an endless array of toppings. It can be simple and humble, elegant and refined, rustic and hearty. It can fill any category. There isn't much a bagel can't do.

It is even supremely portable. I can eat my bagel with one hand, while popping another on my pinky for my toddler while we take a neighbourhood stroll. Depending on the length and spread of your fingers you might even be able to take a couple for the road.

I'll be honest. They take a long time, and you end up with 8 bagels. So basically, if you live in my house, it takes about 26 hours to make something that will last about 26 hours. I had actually decided, when they were rising for the second time, that I would not be doing this again. Between the starter activation, the first rise, the shaping, the second rise, the boiling and THEN the baking...I mean come on. Sometimes you just have to say enough is enough.

And then I tried them. And forgot about everything else except that perfect. texture. 26 hours is a very small price to pay.

This is Quarantine: Day 82

First, the good news:

J's assistant tested negative for Covid and is feeling much better. Hooray!

Then, the better news:

On the heels of this announcement, the girls and I decided on the spur of the moment to pay Grandma and Papa a visit.

The hugs were as wonderful as I'd imagined. The smiles were priceless. And the speed with which things clicked back to normalcy made my heart happy.

And though I explained several times that this would not be a sleepover, the kids won the battle.

So, for the best news of all:

J and I have a kid free evening!!!

What to do, what to do?!

Anything!

Nothing!

Whatever we want, on our own schedule.

It. is. so. quiet...

This is Quarantine: Day 81

In this weekend's instalment of The Pandemic Projects, we continue our theme of keeping the kids occupied.

The zipline we put up last weekend got a bit of action this week, though the neighbour's pool was the star of the show on account of the blistering heat. This weekend we added a ninja rope course to the mix. We bought them both last year as part of a master plan for a backyard treehouse. The treehouse project is still floating around in the ether, but we figured we could at least work with what we already have. 

I didn't get pics of the new addition, but I did get a little video of this fella who came to check out what we were up to:

And if that weren't exciting enough, we also found a great outdoor playset on Kijiji. If you've been in the market for such a purchase recently you will know that these babies are the new toilet paper. Sold out everywhere. The only good news is that, unlike TP, there's a market for secondhand playsets. We spent most of the day on Sunday dismantling it and bringing it home. So now you know what we're doing next weekend...

This is Quarantine: Day 80

We're feeling a bit of the Pandemic Blues today.

After much thought and discussion, we've decided that it's time to expand our "bubble" to accommodate our parents and my brother-in-law. We've all been strictly isolating for many weeks, and we've come to a point where we're all comfortable with sharing space again.

It comes with continued sacrifices though, to make sure we're not exposing anyone to unnecessary risks. While some are now relaxing their restrictions around going to stores and getting together, we've decided to maintain our quarantine status to make this bubble expanding venture as safe as it can be.

To that end, I made the decision to cancel a get together I had been planning to attend on Friday night. It was going to be my first social outing in 80+ days, with a group of people I have missed terribly. I could have gone and done my best to distance myself, and I went back and forth about it for a while. But I realized that if I went, then I would have to be okay with everyone else in our bubble making the same decision, and it wouldn't be long before the whole thing broke down. So I stayed home, knowing that fun was being had just across the street, and I felt a bit sorry for myself.

What made me feel better though, was the plan for Saturday. We were going to my parents' house for dinner and hugs and no social distancing whatsoever for the first time in forever. We were all very excited. All day the girls kept asking when it would be time to go.

Finally, the time came. The girls had even negotiated a sleepover and had packed their own bags full of all kinds of fun. We were just getting into the car when my husband got a text.

His office assistant, the only person he has been in contact with at work every day, was feeling ill and was going in to get tested. We all just stood there in the driveway and stared at each other. We tried making excuses. "She doesn't have classic  symptoms. It's probably not Covid." "There's probably a latent period before anyone she infected would be contagious." "We could just try to keep our distance but still visit."

But in the end we all knew that we should just stay home. We called my parents. They agreed that it was the right decision. But it didn't feel good.

So much anticipation. So much excitement. And poof. Cue major bummer vibe.

What had been a pretty great day was now a total bust. We went inside and sat around and moped. Eventually, E had a great idea and made strawberry Nutella milkshakes, which helped a bit. We watched a movie and ate pasta and brownies, which helped a bit too.

But what came out of the disappointment was the conviction that all of our precautions are worth it. If I had gone to the party on Friday, I would now have five new families to worry about spreading the virus to. If we had gone to my parents' house before we got that text, I would have felt awful.

We can't eliminate all of the risk, but this reminder of the importance of what we're doing takes away a bit of the sting of missing out.

Also, gifts like these from my Dog Mom friends:

This is Quarantine: Day 76

I don't even know where to begin.

Man, it's hot. That's as good a place as any.

How hot is it??

It is so hot, that I can be totally fed up with everyone and everything by 8:49am.

It is so hot, that you would have to be a total lunatic to cook anything.

It is so hot, that if you don't have a pool in your backyard or access to someone else's, I personally give you permission to commit a felony.

It is so hot, that a few of us without the benefit of AC are pining for those frigid offices with the locked thermostat and the ubiquitous cardigan on the back of the chair.

It is so hot that my dog is giving the chipmunks free reign of our backyard.

It is so hot, that there's a very good chance that someone, somewhere is being caught naked on a Zoom meeting today.

This is Quarantine: Day 74

Weekends in quarantine are for delicious, deep-fried doughnuts,

and fun backyard projects like Project Zipline!

Dangerous, you ask? Can't be. My husband, the anti-trampoline crusader, gives it two thumbs up.  I mean, what could go wrong??

*stay tuned for next week's episode of The Real Doctor's Kids of the ER...

This is Quarantine: Day 72

Into another weekend we go!

This week by the numbers:

1 puzzle challenge completed (and another one not even close)

2 picnic lunches (also the number of times my children have ingested kale this week without their knowledge)

3 math sheets completed (...feels more like 30)

4 impressive Magnatile creations

5 delicious dinners (pizza, lasagna, chili, tuscan chicken pasta, burgers)

5 more masks sewn

8-ish hours of scooting

10 ice cream novelties consumed

15 cups of coffee consumed (give or take)

18 Zoom meetings

52 new dandelions sprouted one day after weeding

3,672 beautiful blossoms admired on neighbourhood walks

...and one new conquest in the world of bread-making: Bannock!

Not a tricky one, by any stretch of the imagination. But a great recipe to have when it's an hour until dinner and you're looking for something to smother with goat cheese and tomatoes!

This is Quarantine: Day 71

Today, my friends, I earned my homeschooling stripes.

We found ourselves, once again, in a situation where E was wrapping up her work for the day, eager to get outside, only to find out that mistakes were made. Many mistakes. Many small, easy to make mistakes that, when added together to create a sea of erroneousness, meant that work needed to be redone.

This news was not well received.

It's not the first time this has happened. Which is what makes it all the more frustrating for everyone. One party is frustrated that they have already spent so much time on an assignment, only to have to start all over again. One party is frustrated at having their sage advice ignored and their warnings unheeded, only to see the same mistakes repeated ad nauseam. Both parties are frustrated to see a beautiful day being wasted, stretching on into an afternoon otherwise intended for scooters and sunshine. And each party is frustrated with the other party for their role in landing us in this situation once again.

Sigh.

But this time, I was determined to keep my cool. No temper tantrums on this end today. No sir. The grown up will be the grown up. Come hockey sticks or high water. Or something like that.

I sat down, dug my heels in firmly, and calmly directed our attention to Question #1. When my eager student (obviously) didn't jump in with me, I remained calm. I stayed the course. I explained that we would be redoing the assignment, that we would be doing it together, and that the sooner it was completed the sooner we could get on with our day. My eager student communicated to me (through the use of various turns of phrase, vocal ranges and some expressive interpretive choreography) that she would prefer to a) not redo the assignment, b) decline my offer of assistance/supervision and c) discontinue homeschooling, full stop.

I clarified my role as educator, as a supportive presence to assist the process and perhaps identify potential errors at their source, thereby preventing multi-step backtracking, which would translate to decreased work time. I assured her my contribution would be a value-added experience, that I would maintain a positive attitude and calm demeanour in an effort to improve morale and smooth out any bumps we encountered.

She was skeptical, and expressed this skepticism in the form of a directive. I elected to ignore the insubordination and instead accepted the challenge.

We completed the assignment together in about 20 minutes. She smiled, she thanked me, and said "I know you are just trying to help. You're the best."

I will be waiting patiently by the mailbox until my award arrives, counting my grey hairs to pass the time.

This is Quarantine: Day 70

It was a picnic lunch kind of day today. Glorious sunshine, cloudless skies and warm breezes. We're in the picnic sweet spot right now. Warm enough to lay out in the grass without getting a chill, but not warm enough to melt the food or bring the bugs out. It was so perfect, in fact, that our picnic lunch turned into a whole afternoon, basking, reading, zooming and snacking...all from the comfort of a picnic blanket.

We did peel ourselves off long enough for the girls to continue their intense scooter training regimen and for me to decide that dandelions have enjoyed our lawn for the last season. With the help of a handy tool from a neighbour and over the course of two hours, I evicted every last visible dandelion from our property, including the boulevard. It was backbreaking work, but so satisfying when it was over. Sure, my husband didn't notice, even as I paraded him up and down the length of the property, prompting him to take note of any landscaping improvements as we went. But I know. And I'm happy with that.

This is Quarantine: Day 69

Today is the day we learned that the girls will not be going back to school until September.

This is Quarantine: Day 68

Do you ever have those days when you really want it to be a good day, and you try and try to make it a good day, but the forces of nature seem to be conspiring against you and nothing seems to work out?

No, me neither.

But I've heard that there are people who have those days sometimes. So I thought I'd offer them some free advice.

1. On those days, do not watch Inside Out. Jesus, that movie. I can't keep my eyes dry on the best of days with that one. Stay far away from it on emotionally fragile days.

2. Take a loooong shower. Shave, scrub your feet, do a face mask, put all the lotion on your skin...do all of those things that get skipped most days when you're just trying to get in and out to start your day. And make sure to turn the fan on to drown out your family regulate the humidity.

3. Don't pin your happiness on anything involving cooperation.

4. And if whatever it is is so important to you, then just do the damn thing yourself. If you're lucky, FOMO will get the others to join you after all.

5. Find that thing that feels like a warm hug for you. Put on a cozy sweater,  pour another cup of coffee or tea or wine, find someone who isn't grinding your gears to give you an actual hug...just find something that makes you take a step or two away from the ledge and spend a few moments just enjoying it.

An absurdly large puzzle can be an excellent diversion

A lap full of cuddles can be an adorable distraction

6. Understand that a lot of the time, those precious ingrates will push back simply because they've discovered they can. Introduce fun ideas the way you introduce broccoli - don't expect success the first time, just hope that eventually they'll go for it. If you plant the seed, it won't necessarily take root immediately, but with a little patience they'll come around. You know, once they've decided that it's their idea.

6. And if you've tried everything and once again, everyone is screaming and whining and crying and objecting vehemently to all of your best efforts, just quietly make your way back to bed. It's nice up there. And it usually elicits at least a few minutes of remorse.

A wonderful neighbour dropped off some timbits for the girls yesterday, and as we were chatting, she suddenly stopped mid-sentence and said "You know, you are a very good looking girl." Just like that. A propos of nothing. If I had a day today like the ones I described above, I might have gone back to that nice memory a few times to lift my spirits.

She called me a girl.

This is Quarantine: Day 67

As far as I'm concerned, there are two types of people in this world.

There are the people who clean as they cook, and then there are monsters.

I am a lucky lady of late. My devoted husband cleans up after dinner and does the dishes every night. I think I've mentioned it before, but one of the highlights of my day is wandering into the kitchen after the girls go to bed and not seeing another chore to take care of.

Having said that, I cook a lot. A lot. And while I know J enjoys the fruits of my labour, I see the look of defeat in his eyes (and also in the words coming out of his mouth - he's not the "suffer in silence" type...) when he can see that I've been cooking up a storm. The baking really does him in.

For that reason, and also because I'm not a monster, I try to help him out a bit. I almost always empty the dishwasher in the morning and fill it up throughout the day. On days when I dirty a lot of dishes at breakfast or lunch, I usually wash the dishes at some point. And whenever I cook, I clean as I go. It's mostly for my benefit - I get frazzled when it gets too messy. But also, I just can't leave things looking like a bomb went off for someone else to deal with. Especially when I can just tidy things up during the time that I'm waiting for this or that to mix or sauté or boil. Basically, I try to put away what I take out and leave him with a relatively organized stack of dishes to wash and room in the dishwasher.

I tend to assume that everyone thinks like me. But I'm curious. Do you do the cooking and not the cleaning? Or the cleaning, but not the cooking? If you cook, do you feel like it's courteous to tidy things up a bit as you go, or do you feel like you did the work of cooking so someone else should do the clean up? If you're the cleaner, do you have any expectations about the state of the kitchen when you get in there, or is it all fair game?

If you ask me, I can't imagine complaining about cleaning a baking sheet if I can do it with my mouth full of homemade cookies. But what do I know?

This is Quarantine: Day 66

Long weekend, quarantine style!

We don't usually do anything big for Victoria Day weekend, so I can't say we feel like we're missing anything this year. J is just happy to have an extra day at home, and so are we!

Riding on the high of the last couple of super-productive weekends, we have a few items on the to-do list. For example, I try not to brag, but my husband took down the Christmas wreath over our front door today.

When your day starts with that kind of take-charge initiative, there's no telling what you can do! But with today being the only sunny day in the forecast, priority number one was getting outside.

A couple of weeks ago we presented the girls with new scooters as Corona Gifts. Of course E is a seasoned pro, and e has been chomping at the bit for her own set of wheels. After a couple of shaky starts, along the endless patience of her big sister's tutelage, e is now a scooter pro in training! And the two of them have been tearing up the neighbourhood all week. The scooters got plenty of miles in today, as I patted myself on the back for coming up with the world's best way to get a 3 year old and an 11 year old to play together and be equally entertained for hours on end.

With the kiddos riding wild and free and out of our hair, we got cocky and pruned a bush. At least, it was once a bush, when we moved in 4 years ago. Since then, with the freedom to spread its wings and dream big under our persistently neglectful stewardship, it resembles something along the lines of a...giant orb-like rampart.

I can't say it looks better. Heck, without before and after pictures I couldn't even say for certain that it's smaller. But we can now drive into our garage without having the right sight of the vehicle getting a good brushing, and we now have plenty of kindling for campfires.

Speaking of, now that the fire ban has lifted, we had our first legal campfire of the season! I'm afraid I was woefully ignorant of the fire ban on our last go-around. But once I was educated, I obeyed the rules like the upstanding citizen I am. I'm just glad we finally got the green light or all of those marshmallows might have met their end in a Chubby Bunny competition.

Oh, and the girls found a couple of snakes. So that was awesome. For them.

This is Quarantine: Day 65

Today I made the executive decision to give us a mental health day.

e has been exploring the limits of her emotional range and flexing her threenager independence all week.

E has been coasting a little on the schoolwork front and getting sucked in to the threenager drama more than a little.

Mama is staying up too late and feeling terribly worn down by all the arguing, negotiating, nagging and conflict resolution...just the incessant parenting of it all.

So today, apart from Zoom meetings, I made no demands. Stay in pj's as long as you want, skip the shower, eat what you want, watch what you want, and let's see if we can reset ourselves a bit going into the weekend.

I was surprised by some things:

For two kids who beg to stay in their pyjamas on any given day, they both decided on their own to get  dressed much earlier than expected.

I came back from picking up groceries to find the girls in the dining room, with E at the sewing machine making masks and e playing happily on the floor beside her.

Nobody asked to watch any more TV today than usual.

They played happily outside for about an hour and half while I slaved away in the kitchen, and neither came in to file a complaint about the other's behaviour - not even once!

We made ice cream together, we had a little spa day with face masks and nail painting and we had a movie night when dad finally got home. It wasn't without its share of bumps in the road, but it was a nice break from Google Classroom.

I was grateful for a few things:

Free ice cream novelties from the grocery store for spending so much money!

Getting a solid chunk of time in the kitchen to deal with the 5lbs of ground beef I procured earlier this week. Lasagna, chili AND burgers. BAM! BAM! BAM!

Finding several hours of warm sunshine on a day that was supposed to be grey and rainy.

Along with the trifecta of beef and fresh strawberry ice cream, I also made a loaf of bread in the breadmaker and a double batch of brownies. So it's safe to say that I had my fair share of kitchen therapy today. I hope that the girls got what they needed today too.

This is Quarantine: Day 63

If today were a toddler diet, it would be stuffed with broccoli and carrots and chicken and salmon and chia seeds and spinach and...you get the idea.

Today was so productive that I can pretty much coast for the rest of the week.

Sure, I still have those masks to sew. But the fabric has been cut! And sure, there are two bedrooms that still need to be put back together. But the painting is done! And yes, I have resorted to just picking up dust bunnies as I walk by them instead of pulling out the vacuum. But I washed the kitchen floor! And 3 bathroom floors! And emptied all the garbage cans! And laid down grass seed! AND played outside with the kids!

And yes, I'm mostly writing all of this down for my own benefit, in an effort to gloss over the guilt of semi-losing it on both of my children today, in separate instances for separate crimes.

Did I mention I also put a cheque in the mail AND didn't fall asleep repeatedly while trying to read to e in the middle of the day? Two things I can't say about yesterday!

Speaking of that hot-headed little drama queen, after a very full day of defying everyone and everything around her, she was pretty worn out.

When I told her it was bedtime and that it was time to give night-night hugs and kisses, I heard a deep sigh behind me, followed by a frail little voice declaring:

"I...don't...think...I'm...going...to...make...it..."

And I turned around to see this:

I hear you, sister.

This is Quarantine: Day 62

May 12. It was exactly 2 months ago, on March 12, when we locked it down.
The strangest part about it to me is thinking about what it looked like at the beginning compared to now. 2 weeks. Then back to school, back to work, back to normal. And now, 2 months...and I don't have the foggiest idea of when I will see normal again, or what it will look like.

There are a few things I'm getting to the end of my rope with. I want to hug my parents. I want my kids to hug their grandparents. I want to talk to people without precaution and apprehension. I want just a little tiny bit of time to myself to get something done without distraction or interruption or feeling guilty. I WANT MY HAIR NOT TO BE SO GREY AND MY PANTS NOT TO BE SO TIGHT.

But overall, things are ok. I'm glad we've slowed down a bit. I'm glad we've tried some new things and changed the way we do other things and I'm glad we're healthy.

And I'm glad I finally got around to making these:

Shortly after quarantine started, E went on a serious english muffin tear. I can't buy enough of them. It's all she wants to eat most of the time, and if I let her she'll just eat one after the other. And I didn't get it.

To be honest, outside of a breakfast sandwich or eggs benedict, english muffins are a solid so-so for me. I prefer pretty much any other kind of bread.

And then I made these babies with my sourdough starter.

And the rest is history.

Mmmmm....

♫They got the Empty Plate Blues...♫

This is Quarantine: Day 61

Our morning walk today was filled with the the chatter of two Canada Geese, perched atop adjacent roofs, calling back and forth to one another. I'm not sure what their deal was - mating calls, competitive chatter, alarm bells, who's to say? What I do know, is that when one of them flew away suddenly, the one left behind kicked it into high gear and began calling out frantically. I felt bad for the fella. e did too. As we walked away, she asked me why the one goose had flown away, and I replied that I didn't know, but maybe it was going to get a snack and bring it back for the two of them to share.

She stopped dead in her tracks, turned on her heel and marched back to the lone goose.

"Hey! Goose!"

*honkhonkhonkhonkhonk...

"HEY! Your brother is just going to get a snack for you guys and then he'll be back."

*honkhonkhonkhonkhonk...

HEY! GOOSE!! YOU'RE BROTHER WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A SNACK FOR YOU, OKAY??!!

*...silence...

When I told her that it looked like she made the goose feel better because he stopped honking, she shrugged and said:

"I guess I'm a superhero."

On another note, if any of you have wondered what online learning looks like for a Montessori Toddler, check this out:

I know. She's a GENIUS!

And finally, if anyone was wondering if I was kidding about the socks...

This is Quarantine: Day 60

Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my mother-in-law, all of my mom friends and every one of you moms out there. Frankly, there is no non-cliché way of describing just how deserving we are of a day to be celebrated.

I was celebrated with homemade gifts, which I love, by my family, whom I adore, before getting down to painting, which I continue to be utterly grateful for, despite slogging away until midnight last night.

I'm afraid we're not quite done, but man we're close. And the only reason we're not finished is that we ran out of paint. One more gallon and another hour or two should do it! So I don't yet have after pictures, and I forgot to take before pictures, but I have some in progress pictures for your viewing pleasure!

Goodbye peanut butter!

Adios, horrible tiled corner!

See you later yellow!

2 exhausted onlookers and their bodyguard, relegated to the guest room for the night

This is Quarantine: Day 59

I believe it was Day 2 of quarantine when I first mused about taking on various ambitious projects like, say, painting. For those of you wondering how long it might take your reluctant husband to be worn down, I have an answer for you.

57 days.

Unless you're talking about convincing him to have baby #2. But I have an answer for that too!

7 years.

I digress.

This weekend, a dream I've had for the last 4 years is finally coming true.

This weekend, I finally bid adieu to the nauseating shade of peanut butter that has surrounded me while I sleep, taunting me with its icky brown-ness and overwhelming me with a sense of blah. Today, in fact, I will wipe it from my walls and my memory, replacing it with a most bright and refreshing shade of white.

Once that's done, I will adorn the white with all sorts of leafy greens and natural woods and a pop or two of something whimsical, but that is for another day.

Today, and tomorrow, but please god not into next week,  WE PAINT!

And while we're at it, the girls' room is getting the same treatment. Their pale yellow hue was not so objectionable in and of itself, but it isn't working with E's black and red theme and so it's out. White it is, along with two sections of - BLACK chalkboard paint. I am both terrified and excited.

It wasn't planned as such, but this is the very best Mother's Day gift my husband could have given me. And even though the 72 pairs of socks he ordered for me (nope, not kidding) didn't come in time, I couldn't be more tickled about how I'll be spending the weekend.

Theoretically, of course. This is one of those times when I'm fairly confident that I will be happy to have painted once it's done, as opposed to loving every minute of it as it's happening.

Let's do this!!!

This is Quarantine: Day 58

Today was a good day.

I don't mean to brag, but I suspect I might have the best kids ever.

The oldest decided to blast through her schoolwork this morning and use her free time to bake not one, but TWO Mother's Day desserts for yours truly.

Kitchen-tastrophe

The youngest exhibited monumental levels of empathy, grace and painfully adorable sweetness by telling her teacher:

"I will always be here when you need me."

And by telling her dog, who had just eaten her rice krispie square:

"You're still a good dog. I'm so proud of you."

I also banged out one more face mask to meet my quota for the week and folded 3 loads of laundry.

I'm riding a high right now, heading into the weekend with a smile on my face and a drink in my hand.

Silly Potato Head games

E's first ever solo cake!

This is Quarantine: Day 57

I think e might be getting sick. Again. For the second?, third? time since quarantine started. I'm no contagious disease expert, but shouldn't one need to be exposed to a pathogen of some kind in order to become sick from it? Or are our bodies just spontaneously producing viruses now? Maybe e has been sneaking out of the house and licking doorknobs when I'm not looking? Picking up garbage on our walks and rubbing it all over her face when I turn my back?

Who knows. And honestly, I'm trying not to spend too much time thinking about it because I go a little squirrelly when I start considering what could be lingering on blades of grass in our yard and pinecones on the sidewalk. So far she's a little whiny, her nose is a little drippy, and her skin is a little rashy. Once again I'll keep her rested and hydrated and cross my fingers and remind myself that not every sniffle is the plague.

Oh, and did I mention that we're toying with the idea that E might be developing a sensitivity of some kind to gluten? For those of you who have had any kind of a conversation with my husband about the g-word, you'll know that it would be just the divinest of ironies if he were to have a child, a human possessing his very DNA, with a gluten sensitivity. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm kind of ticked off at him for jinxing us.

I mean, at the best of times it would be inconvenient and kind of a bummer. For E too. But I have a basement full of pasta and a 10kg bag of flour on the way. She's really going to hate watching us eat through all of that.

Of course no diagnosis has been made, and we're not going to any extremes just yet. But if someone could let my kids know that I'm not actually so bored in quarantine that I need them to start manifesting diseases, I'd appreciate it.

Ask the Expert - Episode 2

Dinner conversation tonight centred around working out the details of a weekend painting project, and I think it got a little boring for the shortest of us. 

e: Okay guys. Okay. Listen up. So...

This conversation is over. Let's throw it away. *mimes throwing it away* Mom? I see you throwing it away. Good. E, let me see you throw it away. Dada? Throw it away. Good.

Now, talk to ME.

So, we did.

1. What is your favourite colour?

A: Pink

2. What is your second favourite colour?

A: Purple

3. Do you have a third favourite colour?

A: Um, my dad.

4. What is your favourite thing to do?

A: Play with my sister

5. What is your favourite thing to do with your sister?

A: Everything!

6. What is your favourite thing to do when you're alone?

A: *hangs head, sad face* Play in my playroom.

7. What is your favourite animal?

A: My dog.

8. What animal would you like to put up on the wall in your bedroom?

A: A pig! No. A dinosaur! No. A dog! No. Santa. 

9: Santa?

A: YES! And then I could always look at him and remember him and smile.

...

A: No. A SANTA DOG!!!

This is Quarantine: Day 55

I don't want to jinx it, so I probably shouldn't say anything. Also, given my self-proclaimed expert status, one would assume that it wouldn't have taken this long...but I must confess.

55 days in, and I think I'm just now starting to settle in to this lockdown.

Truth be told, the first 50 days or so were a bit of a blur. Between homeschooling, housecleaning, meal planning and trying to figure out how to maximize the experience while minimizing the stress...it was pretty stressful. And no matter how I tried to tackle it, it somehow still felt like there weren't enough hours in the day.

E said it out loud a week or so ago, and it really hit me.

"We have so much time, but we still don't have time to do the things we want to do!"

Ugh. How is this possible?!

If I can't make time when we're in quarantine, I'm doing something wrong.

I think that's when my brain made the subconscious shift, and I just started noticing it yesterday.

Stop. Slow down. Stop trying to just get through it and take the time to experience it. Whatever it is. And if you can't enjoy it, ask yourself if it's worth it.

Taxes? Sorry. You've just gotta do it.

But pretty much everything else? Surely you can squeeze some enjoyment out of it.

Today I vacuumed. Do I like to vacuum? No sir. But buying a good vacuum cleaner made the experience less terrible. And taking a few minutes to tackle a couple of problems areas rather than setting aside a couple of hours to get knee deep into cleaning meant that a) I took care of the spots that were bugging me in short order and b) the kids barely noticed I had walked away and by the time they did I was done!

Taking it week by week rather than day by day is also a game changer for me. I think I mentioned the whole toddler diet thing the other day. Rather than a daily checkmark-dependent to-do list, I'm working with a weekly, chip-away-at-it plan instead.

Today was a good day. Besides the vacuuming, I laid down some more rocks in the backyard. I painted with e. I did a spelling test with E. I folded laundry while introducing the girls to Modern Family. I made scrambled egg nachos for lunch, which were awesome, and refried bean tacos without guac for dinner, because grocery days are sometimes disappointing. I didn't knock it out of the park today, but as they say in France, I didn't shit the bed either.

And isn't that what most of us want written on our headstones at the end of the day?

I call this: Cheater Chilaquiles

Lighter than a load of rocks...cuter too