Tuesday, August 11, 2020

The other day E surprised me by telling me that she has come to realize I am often right about things when I give her advice or speculate about how a situation will play out. She wanted to know my thoughts about a dilemma she was having, knowing that we were probably going to disagree but that I would likely have the wisdom of experience to think of things she hadn't considered. 

Wow. I'm still reeling.

And it occurred to me that this may be an opportunity to strike while the iron is hot.

I've been thinking a lot lately about E getting older and all of the new, complicated, risky adventures she'll embark on, while we cling desperately to her coattails, doing our best to guide the ship from a distance, to help spot potholes or pitfalls and maybe prevent little slip-ups from becoming catastrophic. 

There will be many conversations. And, like every parent before me and every one after, I am faced with the challenge of figuring out how to talk to my child in a way that will be meaningful to her and that will encourage her to listen to my words and maybe even heed them. 

Okay boomers. Stop laughing.

Booze is one such conversation. Or rather, series of conversations. I think most of these things are best dealt with regularly, rather than trying to cram it all into one big presentation so that we can check that one off and move on.

What follows is the kind of conversation I wish someone had had with me as a teenager. I think of it as a sort combination of cautionary advice, practical tips and overall wisdom. 

1. Booze is not good for you. Having said that, neither are french fries. Something that isn't good for you doesn't necessarily need to be avoided altogether, and it most certainly doesn't need to be hidden or kept secret or feared. Rather, like with french fries, we should be aware of exactly what effect it has on our bodies, and we should understand how to consume it responsibly. For example, eating french fries or drinking alcohol every day with every meal will probably kill you eventually, but at the very least it will take a serious toll on your health. But eating french fries or drinking alcohol once in a while is probably a reasonable choice that balances enjoyment with taking care of our bodies. 

2. Booze affects your brain. It will mess with your judgement, your reflexes, your balance and your inhibitions. 

Take that into consideration before you drink. Think about where you will be, who you will be with, what you will be doing and how you will get home. Make plans. Tell people you trust your plans. Have an exit strategy. 

Take that into consideration while you're drinking. Be aware. Know your limits and how to enforce them.

3. Pace yourself. There is no rush. The best effects of alcohol happen when you're "tipsy", or just on the fringes of sobriety. That feeling is great, and it makes people think that another drink will feel even better. Trust me: It won't. Try to stick to about a drink an hour. And drink a glass of water after each drink. Yes, you will pee like crazy. Anyone I know would pick that over a hangover.

4. Body weight and tolerance matter. You cannot waltz your novice drinking 110lb frame into a pub and outdrink a 250lb veteran daily drinker. Don't try. It's biology. You could die. 

5. Eat before you drink. Drinking on an empty stomach means the alcohol will be absorbed quickly into your bloodstream and you'll feel it, fast. If you eat first, the food in your stomach will slow your alcohol absorption, so you won't feel the effects nearly as much. 

6. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Most hangover symptoms are the result of dehydration. Headaches, nausea, weakness, dry mouth, fatigue. No fun. Make sure you are well hydrated before you start drinking. Alternate alcoholic drinks with glasses of water. And make sure to drink a BIG glass of water before bed, no matter how much you just want to collapse face first into bed. 

Pro tip: Take a multivitamin and an Advil before bed with your water. 

7. Shots! I get it. Shots can seem like a really good idea. They're small, they're cheap, they're either delicious or at least over quickly, and it's fun to yell "SHOTS!!!" But please, please, pretend they're whole drinks, because they are. A shot is just a whole drink without the filler. Don't slam back five of them and expect to not deeply regret your decision. Pace yourself. It's worth repeating.

8. Alcohol poisoning and alcoholism. Not to freak you out, but I did start out by saying that booze is bad for you. And besides living with the consequences of countless terrible decisions you can make when you have had too much to drink, here are a couple of big things to consider. 

Acute alcohol poisoning happens when you drink more alcohol in one sitting than your body can process, and it can kill you. Normal people out with their friends, drinking too much and not knowing their limits or no longer able to identify their limits, end up hospitalized, comatose or dead. Don't put yourself in that position, and don't let your friends put themselves in that position either.

Alcoholism is a disease that can kill you. Not only that, but withdrawal from alcohol addiction can kill you. So be smart. When you do start drinking, you need to keep yourself in check. If you ever feel that you're exhibiting signs of addiction, get help. Tell people you love and trust. If you have loved ones that you think may be struggling with addiction, offer your support and encourage them to get help.

9. Drinking and driving. Not even one time, not even on back roads, not even a short distance. As a driver or a passenger. There's a long list of dead people I can show you if you need more convincing. 

10. Be responsible. That got heavy for a bit, but that's kind of the point. Alcohol is a big responsibility. It can be used responsibly and safely. It can also be dangerous. 

Remember that you are responsible for yourself and your choices while drinking. The choices you make can have profound effects on both yourself and anyone else you come into contact with. Make safety a priority.

You also have a responsibility as a friend of someone who is drinking. Take care of each other. 

11. CALL ME. I don't care what time it is, I don't care how hammered you are. I don't care where you are or what you did. Call me. I will come and get you. I will drive your friends home. There will be no consequences. End of story.

Now obviously, this isn't a universal template. I'm sure there are endless versions of this conversation, based on what you believe and what you want for your children. But I bet if I throw this out there, I'll get a ton more awesome words of wisdom that I haven't thought of. So lay 'em on me! I'm still in the planning stages for these conversations, and I'll take all the input I can get.



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