Ask The Expert, Revisited

This was a fun thing I started a long time ago with E, and I have no idea why we didn't continue, as she certainly never ran out of clever ideas. Reading through the blog for old times' sake the other day, I came across the ones we did and read them to the girls.

This gave E a very clever idea. I present to you:

Ask The Expert, e Edition 
Episode 1

1. What is your favourite colour?
A: PURPLE! PURPLE!

2. What is your favourite plant?
A: Spiky ones!

3. What does Daddy do when he wakes up?
A: Falls asleep! And then I say "Snooze or Lose Dad!"

4. What does Daddy do when he gets in the shower?
A: Falls everywhere!

5. What does Daddy like to eat for breakfast?
A: Squid that squiggles around. And LIVE ones!

6. What would you do if you had wings?
A: Fly.

7. What do you want to be for Hallowe'en next year?
A: Dinosaur.

8. What colour do you want your eyes to be?
A: Blaaaaaaaack!

9. If you could be any animal, what would you be?
A: A TIGER! Roooaoaaaaarrr!!!

10. What does it mean if your poop turns green?
A: STOP! Stop pooping and stop peeing.

11. What would happen if the dog turned into a dragon?
A: Then he would be fierce and I would jump into your arms?

12. What should Daddy wear if he wants to be fancy?
A: Makeup!

Pass the ears, please.

When my precious bundle of preschooler hurtled into my arms after school today, lip quivering, eyes brimming and then spilling over with tears, whimpering "I'm boooored!" (translation: "I'm exhauuuuusted because I went crazy at naptime and decided against sleep in favour of messing around like a wild forest child"), I knew that dad and I were going to have to do some fancy footwork. As I believe I have mentioned before, once or twice, foregoing naptime is really not an option in our family.

We ohhh'd and it's okayyy'd and patted and wiped and placed her gingerly in the carseat, loaded her lap up with snacks and proceeded to drive her into unconsciousness. Then, an hour and half later, after 3 successful errands, as I gently retrieved a grumpy, whiny ball of fatigue from the car, I knew that whatever remaining creativity in sneak attack parenting that we could muster would have to be employed if we were to survive until bedtime.

This dude didn't last long. But the smiles and uncontrollable giggles that he witnessed before his ultimate demise were plentiful.

And for those of you (dad) who think we might be starving our child, this fella underwent a full face and hair transplant - which was also devoured - before she packed away a creme egg and about half a bag of cheese curds. I think she'll be good at least until midnight snack.

ATE Episode #2: A little of this, a little of that

1. What is the most important thing you should do when you cross the road?
A: Hold someone's hand.

2. Who is a better driver - Mama or Dada?
A: Mama, because you steer the wheel very well.

3. What is your favourite thing to do after school?
A: Paint.

4. If you were to make a movie, what would you call it?
A: I believe I would call it Winter Fun!

5. What would happen in your movie?
A: Bad parts would be in there but good parts too.

6. If you could have any kind of animal for a pet, what animal would it be?
A: A zebra

7. Breakfast, Lunch or Dinner?
A: Breakfast, because I really love what you make.

8. What is your favourite word to say?
A: My name.

9. What would you like to be for next Hallowe'en?
A. A giraffe, because I love them. Actually, I'm going to be Mater.

10. If you could pick anyone to be your Valentine, who would it be?
A: Dada, because I love him.

ATE Episode #1: The Basics

M: What is the Number One Most Important Rule in this family?

E: I don't know.

M: You have to think about it.

E: I think about it but I don't know even more.

(after some discussion of how knowing the "right" answer isn't really necessary, just give your best "educated guess"...we move on)

M: Okay. What do you think is the Number One Most Important Rule in our family?

E: Um. Um. No hitting and no kicking.

M: That's a very good rule. Next question: What is the Number One Most Important Rule at School?

E: No jumping and no running and no hitting and no jumping on friends.

M: What is mama's favourite thing to eat?

E: Um, shrimp?

M: (dipped in chocolate, maybe...) Okay, and what about dada?

E: I don't know.

M: If you had to guess...

E: I. Don't. Know. Can you please take the lid off of my hot chocolate cup?

M: What is mama's favourite thing to do?

E: Play with me!

M: What is dada's favourite thing to do?

E: Play with me too!

M: Where would you like to go on a trip?

E: To...Hawaii! And Cosmic Adventures, 'kay?....
...I would like another nap. After this whole thing here (gestures toward computer).

M: Last question. If you could be any animal, what would you be?

E: A giraffe.

M: Why?

E: (pulls down shirt) Look how long neck I have!

~

This is the first installment of what I hope to be many discussions with The Expert about various issues. I have learned from this inaugural episode that my daughter is quite firmly planted in the real world and is the kind of student who might leave a question blank on a test rather than write a bunch of nonsense in the hopes of part marks. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Please feel free to submit your question for The Expert. I'm sure she'll be happy to field it, unless of course she Doesn't. Know. The Answer.

Ask The Expert is Born

E: I want some HOT CHOCOLATE!

M: But hot chocolate isn't good for you.

E: But it's the afternoon.

M: Good point. How about this? If you answer some questions for me, I'll give you some hot chocolate. Deal?

E: Deal.

M: First question - Do you want marshmallows in your hot chocolate?

E: Ummm...no.

M: What?!

E: I can't drink marshmallows, I can only scoop them. So...that's bad, cuz my arms are tired.