Thursday, May 16, 2013

The Birds and The Bees, Ep. 1

I know it's just the first of many, many conversations, but I'm basking in a little premature confidence after our first conversation about…you know. Kind of like the Leafs after scoring early in the first period. And we all know how that turns out.

But I digress.

Here's how it went down one morning this week as E chomped away on her breakfast and I worked away in the kitchen, grateful for a wall separating E from my diverse array of facial expressions:

E: Mom, I want a baby like the one Olivia has.
M: (I knew where she was going with this, but to buy some time I elected to play dumb) Oh, did Olivia get a new doll?
E: No, mom, a baby. I want a baby like Olivia's.
M: Ooooh, did they get a puppy?
E: MOM! A baaayyyyby. A human baby.
M: Oh, you mean her little sister Gracie?
E: YES! I want one! How did they make her?
M: Who? (a little dumb buys a lot of time for crafting answers, I find)
E: Olivia's parents. How did they make their baby?
M: (Obviously she's one step ahead of the stork scenario) Well…(Think, woman. THINK! It's wayyyyy too early…oooh, there's a plant. Go with it!) You know those peas you planted in school?
E: Yeah.
M: Well, making a baby is kind of like making a plant. You need seeds and fertilizer to make a plant, but babies start as eggs. So to make a baby you need an egg and some fertilizer.
E: Where do we get them?
M: Well, the mom has the eggs and the dad has the fertilizer.
E: Can I see them?
M: No, because they're inside out bodies.
E: Oh. So, you just put the egg and the fertilizer together to make a baby?
M: Yep! (please don't ask how you put them together please don't ask how you put them together please don't ask how you put them together…)
E: Can we do it TONIGHT??!
M: Uhhh, no.
E: Why not?
M: Well, babies are kind of a lot of work, so we're going to wait a little while until we're not quite as busy.
E: I can help!
M: Thanks.
E: Tomorrow night?
M: I'll let you know.

To stumble my way through this minefield, I relied on some very good advice I read a while back. Only answer the SPECIFIC QUESTIONS ASKED. Don't go providing all kinds of extraneous detail that they may not be able to understand. She wanted to know how a baby is actually made, not what happens when a man and a woman love each other very much and lie down really close together and…well…one conversation at a time, I say. And I think this one went pretty well. Except that now we have one more person on our case about baby #2.



Thursday, May 2, 2013

April snow brings…Summer?

People are always talking about how spring and fall are so short. I disagree. This year, for example, spring didn't even exist. I guess maybe Mother Nature is banking this one because she has awesome plans for an extra-long one next year? I'm not sure. All I know is that it was cold and snowy, then there was a day or two with temperatures of 3 degrees or so and then BAM! 20 degrees. Welcome, summer. I wasn't expecting you. Now let me be clear - I'M NOT COMPLAINING. It meant that our weekend looked like this:
April 28, 2013 ~ Ottawa, Ontario
Birthday party in the park!

Of course yesterday, I found myself shvitzing a bit more than I might like in the blazing sun. But - I'M NOT COMPLAINING. Mind you we need to restock the sunscreen, and I guess that means it's time to pack away all of the winter stuff and break out the sunhats, and it's not looking good for the grass seed we just put down what with there being no rain in the forecast for two weeks…but I'M NOT  - oh, forget it. I'm complaining. I miss spring, ok? Sigh.

Want to hear something interesting? Of course you do. I was going to post pictures of the last few Aprils, to contrast the weather from year to year. What I found, however, is that for the last 6 years we have been in a different city and/or country during the month of April. Which makes me think about the rant you were made to endure a couple of months ago about the trials and tribulations of being imprisoned in winter during the month of February. Could it be that I'm not quite as hard done by as I had imagined?? There must be some mistake.

Apr 28, 2007  ~ Newcastle, England
Just us. Don't ask about the stache.

Apr 2008 ~ Grenada
We aren't in the shot because we were busy making a baby.

April 21, 2009 ~ Toronto, Ontario
Look - there's a baby! 

Apr 2010 ~ Boston, Mass
Feeding the swans

Apr 3, 2013 ~ Santa Fe, NM
(Incidentally, on April 28 we were in Vegas without the short one. 
Funny, we forgot to take pictures.)

Apr 2012 ~ Brooklyn, NY

April 2014? It's anyone's guess!