Tuesday, November 4, 2008

K9-Infant Training 101

These last 10 months have been a crash course for Ralph, our 4-legged only child, on the ins and outs of babies. The odd noises they make, the unnerving way they continue to grow larger, and their unparalleled ability to absorb all of the attention in the room. It's a lot to take in for a dog who, for the last 5 years, has been under the misapprehension that he himself is a person and arguably, the most important person in the family.
This invaluable training has been made possible by roommates extraordinaire, Amy and Todd, and Jackson, their dog-loving bundle of joy.

Happily, the training has been wildly successful. Ralph has undergone a 5 Stage progression as follows:

Stage 1. Curiosity: What is this small bundle of smelliness? I think I need a taste.

Stage 2. Concern: Should the bundle be making those noises? It doesn't sound right. Perhaps a taste will reveal further information.

Stage 3. Infatuation: This bundle is somewhat larger and smells much more interesting these days. Also, the other humans don't seem to barricade him from me quite as much. Mmmmm....he tastes so good! Those toes, those fingers, that lovely bald head!

Stage 4. Apprehension: I'm not sure I signed up for this. The bundle continues to grow, and I think he's stalking me. I can't get away. I'm not sure what he plans to do with me, but the whole thing makes me very nervous...

Stage 5. Acceptance: He's agreed to share his food. Anything he doesn't want for himself, he places on the floor for me to enjoy. To show my appreciation, I will sit relatively still while he bats at me with his chubby little hands and occasionally steals my ball. This may be the beginning of a beautiful relationship!

And voila! Baby and dog existing in peaceful cohabitation. Just wait until he realizes that the Cowbaby doesn't get passed back to another family at the end of the day...