Sunday, November 1, 2015

The Birds and The Bees: Ep 3

...because apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment.

It's bedtime. The time for all agonizingly complex discussions.

This instalment was pretty epic, covering ovulation, intercourse and even a little voyeurism thrown in there to keep things fresh.

E: Can you get pregnant but not on purpose?
M: Yes, it's possible.
E: Even if you're not taking the pills?
M: Well, the pills aren't what makes you pregnant. The pills are just extra vitamins to help make sure the baby is healthy.
E: Oh. Then what makes the baby?
M: Do you remember when we talked about that? About the woman having the egg, and the sperm from them man fertilizing the egg?
E: Yeah, but how does that happen?
M: We talked about that too. The sperm comes out of the man's penis and goes into the woman's vagina.
E: But HOW does that happen? Does the sperm just come out and float around and then how does it end up in the vagina?
M: No, the penis fits into the vagina for it to happen.
E: Oh. How many times do you have to do it?
M: Usually for several days right around the day that the egg gets released.
E: When is that?
M: Well, the first day of your period is the first day of your cycle, and the egg is released around the 14th day, so in about 10 days from now.
E: Do people usually do it when the baby is asleep?
M: Well, the baby isn't made yet. This happens when they're trying to make a baby.
E: No, like the kids. The other kids. Do people do it when their other kids are asleep? At night?
M: Usually.
E: Why?
M: It's just a good time.

...wait for it...

E: Can I watch you guys do it?

...Yep. Just let that sink in for a minute...

M: No.
E: Why not?
M: Well, it's a very private and personal thing that two people do together.
E: Why?
M: It just is. It involves private parts and it's only meant to be between two people.
E: But why can't I just see it once so I can understand it?
M: There's nothing bad about it that we don't want you to see, it's just inappropriate for you to see it. Just like there's nothing wrong with being naked, but we don't walk around in public naked because it's inappropriate.
E: Pleeeease? Can I please watch just once? (puppy dog eyes)

J: Hey guys, what's up?

oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god

M: HEY DADA! LOOK! The guinea pigs are happy to see you! Maybe we should feed the guinea pigs some hay! E - want to feed the guina pigs???

Loooong exhale.

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